ORGY AT HOME
[This was when Osbert returned home and found two burglars inside. He hid behind curtain before burglars could see him.The uninvited visitors drank and ate and fought among themselves before falling unconscious. Then....]
It was some moments before Osbert Mulliner could bring himself to peep from behind the curtains. When he did so, he seemed to be gazing upon one of those Orgy scenes which have done so much to popularise the motion-pictures. Scenically the thing was perfect. All that was needed to complete the resemblance was a few attractive-looking girls with hardly any clothes on.
He came out and gaped down at the ruins.The burglar Harold was lying with his head in the fireplace: the burglar Ernest was doubled up under the table: and it seemed to Osbert almost absurd to think that these were the same hearty fellows who had come into the room to take pot-luck so short a while before. Harold had the appearance of a man who had been passed through a wringer. Ernest gave the illusion of having recently become entangled in some powerful machinery. If, as was probable, they were known to police, it would take a singularly keen-eyed constable to recognize them now.
GNU HUNTERS VIEWS
[ At Bludleigh Court, Ms Charlotte meets Colonel Pashley-Drake, the great gnu hunter. Colonel tells Charlotte his nephew Aubrey did not deserve he love, When..]
"You are quite wrong," said Charlotte warmly. "You have only to gaze into Mr Aubry Bassinger's eyes to see that his morals are above reproach."
"I never gaze into his eyes," replied Colonel Pashley-Drake. "Don't like his eyes. Wouldn't gaze into them if you paid me. I maintain his whole outlook on life is morbid and unwholesome. I like a man to be a clean, strong, upstanding Englishman who can look his gnu in the face and put an ounce of lead in it."
WOODPECKER
It was the opinion of Roland Attwater that he was now entitled to the remainder of the night in peace...................And then into the silence it seemed to him that some sound intruded - a small tapping sound that might have been the first tentative efforts of a very young woodpecker just starting out in business for itself.
